First day of School and my 5K

It has arrived, the first day of first grade for Kathleen and the first day of third grade for Patrick. They seemed exhausted when they got home. Taf, Quinn and Margaret have not started yet, next week for Margaret and Quinn and then the next week Taf will start.

On Sunday I walk/ran my first 5K.....with the help of my trainer Keena. She pushed me and kicked my butt the whole way around the course. I had agreed to do the race back in late May, with Keena and a couple other girls from the gym. With all that has gone on this summer , my work out schedule suffered and I didn't want to do the race. I was not as prepared for it as I wante dto be. Keena would not take any excuse I made, she told me to use the race as a new starting point.
It was a very emotional day, I was angry, I complained, I missed my Dad....I had told my dad I was going to do the race.....I knew I was going to miss not being able to tell him that I really did it.
Well we started off running and then we walked a bit and went back and forth never really slowing down. Keena was so great and at times I felt like i was in a therapy session. It was a HUGE deal for me.
I knew going into it I could easily walk it in an hour, I never thought for a second I would quit or not be able to finish. So I was thinking if I cross the finish on 59:59 I will be glad it is over and proud of myself. Well, Keena had a different goal for me and I crossed the finish in 46:50! I was shocked!!

I am once again surprised by what I am capable of, like I said I never thought I could stand at my Dad's bedside and watch him slip away...but I did. I never though I would cross that finish line in anything less than an hour......but I did. So I guess I am just going to say......"what will I do next?"

I am going to try and get faster and keep working out and I may come up with a list of other things to do....I have promised the kids I would let them teach me to ski this winter.....The possibilities are endless!!!

Here I am.......

Here I Am.....

I am just coming off of one stressful situation after another.

The summer would have been hard enough with just having to deal with the loss of my Dad, but we have had a few more things to deal with.

The next thing to happen was the tenant we had at our house in RI, moved out with no notice, breaking her lease, and leaving the house filthy and damaged and not paying the rent, which of course means no rental income for us. Less money is never a good thing!

The city here in Maine where we live, put a new road out in front of our house, as they dug the drainage ditch, they ruined our basement runoff pipe. I knew it had happened and they supposedly came and fixed it in the early summer....I realized that they had not fixed it really, when last week, with all the rain, we had a good 6 inches of water in our cellar.

So I have had to deal with the city, that has gone pretty well and I made friends with the workers who came and ended up putting in a brand new pipe. They did have to dig up a huge section of my front yard and sacrifice a big bush.....I gave them soda and cookies. The next day I was getting in my car and they drive by and tooted there horn and waved to me.....cookies and soda, makes friends...and friends do better work!! So for as much of a hassle it was to make the arrangements it did get all fixed....they replanted the bush, which we have given some extra love and seeded the front yard....and so far no water in the basement.

As far as the house in RI goes, we have alot of work to do. It has hurt my feelings that a woman, who is in her 5o's would be so irresponsible.

Tom also has taken a new job, which means he will be home and not in Vermont anymore, just like a real husband!! Tom will be the new Assistant Head at Hebron Academy. We had the stress of deciding where our own kids would go to school this year too. Taf , Quinn, and Margaret will all go to Hebron and Patrick and Kathleen will stay at Trinity. Hebron is a school for 6th-12th grade. It is a boarding school for 9-12.

I think thats about it.

I miss my father every day, I am always thinking of things I want to tell him.......
I cry often, it creeps up on me without much warning.
When I see someone out, about my Dad's age, I am sad.....and jealous.
When I catch myself having fun, the same thought pops in my head....." I wish my dad was here"

The other night we had a BAT in the kitchen, Taf and Quinn wrangled it...I screamed and took pictures, and laughed and screamed some more.....When all was done I wanted to tell my Dad so badly.....he would have loved that the boys took care of getting the Bat out.

Paw Sox

Tomorrow, I am taking my kids to see the Pawtucket Red Sox Game. My cousin Maureen's son Joe is the bullpen catcher for the team and is getting us tickets behind home plate.....very cool.

This will be the most exciting thing we have done this summer. Our summer has been pretty awful, with poor Pop's and then rain, rain, rain,.....So I am looking forward to tomorrow.

The person who rents out our house in RI is vacating the premises tomorrow, so I will make the inspection of the house on Monday before heading back to Maine. I am planning on Grammy coming home with us too, she probably could use a change of pace and a change of scenery.

Trying

Trying to have fun is so much harder than just having fun. Trying to be happy is so much harder than just being happy. Trying to write about something fun and happy is so much harder than just writing about something fun and happy.

Last summer I sent Margaret to summer school at Rectory and she was gone for 5 weeks. I remember saying to Tom that I did not want to get use to her not being here. He assured me I would not and I certainly did not get use to it, I counted down the days until she came home.

I am going to have to get use to my father not being here. In this case I have no options, I am going to have to get use to it , he is not coming home in 5 weeks. It is very hard to come to terms with that. Lots of people have told me that it will take a very long time to feel better ....I know that they are right, but what can I do to help myself now??....what can I do to make myself feel better now???......

I have decided that for all of us we are going to have to ask ourselves each day " What would Pops want us to be doing?".... and we all know the answer to that question, for each of us,there is something that we know he would want us to be doing.....
I know he would want us to take full advantage of the summer days, of everyday, plan family get togethers, practice our pitching, our jump shots, back strokes, switch hitting, writing, follow throughs, drawing, driving, putting, singing, cooking, running, reading, cross words, ukelele, recording, blogging, music, biking, .......he would want us to plan parties, visit with friends, study hard, try new things, go on trips.....He would want us to take care of each other and not get so busy that we forget to ask anyone if they need anything, he would want us to be happy and he would not want us to waste time......

Many have told me that my Dad will always be with me and up until just now I have not really talked to him, I have not asked for his advice, or felt his pressence. I have felt the hole and the pain, and been consumed with the loss......I think I needed some time, to really realize what has happened. I also am thinking that Dad needed some time...ya' know, to get the lay of the new land, to reconnect with his family that got there before him and to get the answers to the many questions I am sure he had on his arrival. If I know my Dad, I am sure he had a word with St Peter....and perhaps shared some observations regarding the pearly gates. Up until now I have not spoken to my Dad, but I am going to and I will be sure to let you know what he has to say. I can not imagin getting use to him not being here but maybe I don't really have too. I don't have to get use to him not being because I can choose to look at it differently.
My Dad is here....with me....always!!

That makes me happy.

I guess I did have something happy to write about today after all.