Trying

Trying to have fun is so much harder than just having fun. Trying to be happy is so much harder than just being happy. Trying to write about something fun and happy is so much harder than just writing about something fun and happy.

Last summer I sent Margaret to summer school at Rectory and she was gone for 5 weeks. I remember saying to Tom that I did not want to get use to her not being here. He assured me I would not and I certainly did not get use to it, I counted down the days until she came home.

I am going to have to get use to my father not being here. In this case I have no options, I am going to have to get use to it , he is not coming home in 5 weeks. It is very hard to come to terms with that. Lots of people have told me that it will take a very long time to feel better ....I know that they are right, but what can I do to help myself now??....what can I do to make myself feel better now???......

I have decided that for all of us we are going to have to ask ourselves each day " What would Pops want us to be doing?".... and we all know the answer to that question, for each of us,there is something that we know he would want us to be doing.....
I know he would want us to take full advantage of the summer days, of everyday, plan family get togethers, practice our pitching, our jump shots, back strokes, switch hitting, writing, follow throughs, drawing, driving, putting, singing, cooking, running, reading, cross words, ukelele, recording, blogging, music, biking, .......he would want us to plan parties, visit with friends, study hard, try new things, go on trips.....He would want us to take care of each other and not get so busy that we forget to ask anyone if they need anything, he would want us to be happy and he would not want us to waste time......

Many have told me that my Dad will always be with me and up until just now I have not really talked to him, I have not asked for his advice, or felt his pressence. I have felt the hole and the pain, and been consumed with the loss......I think I needed some time, to really realize what has happened. I also am thinking that Dad needed some time...ya' know, to get the lay of the new land, to reconnect with his family that got there before him and to get the answers to the many questions I am sure he had on his arrival. If I know my Dad, I am sure he had a word with St Peter....and perhaps shared some observations regarding the pearly gates. Up until now I have not spoken to my Dad, but I am going to and I will be sure to let you know what he has to say. I can not imagin getting use to him not being here but maybe I don't really have too. I don't have to get use to him not being because I can choose to look at it differently.
My Dad is here....with me....always!!

That makes me happy.

I guess I did have something happy to write about today after all.