What you can do even when you think you can't

There is a big difference in what you think you can't do and what you actually can do. I sat at my fathers bedside as he passed away, I held him and kissed him and told him over and over how much I loved him.....
I never thought I would be able to make it through and as painful as it was, it was exactly where I wanted to be. As much as I wanted to go home, pretend it wasn't happening, runaway and hide, I could not leave him.

To make funeral arrangements is something I did not think I could do. Picking out his casket, flowers, readings, songs, clothes, seemed like a job for someone else. Someone who could handle it better than me, because I just could not do it......but I did. My Mom, Don and me did it all together, and we chose exactly the right "everything".

I don't think I can get through my fathers wake, or funeral..I do not want to hear the words, the songs, the guns fired or Taps being played.I do not want all the people that I love and all the people that loved my Dad to be hurting. I do not want my mother to be alone.....

But, I know I will be there and I will embrace my Dad's friends andfamily and thank them for all that they are, I will listen to the words and feel the pain, I will be proud when the shots are fired and at peace when he is laid to rest. We will all hold up one another, we will carry on, we will remember and we will laugh.

What I can do, is all of this and I am so very grateful to God for it all.